Haggling for Houses

I know you’ve been on the edge of your seats waiting for some updates from my previous post.  Just like the cliffhangers at the Saturday morning flicker shows!  My friend Karen commented that I make a lot of visual references to movies – which I never noticed before – but it’s totally true!  It’s just like that time in Armageddon when Bruce Willis said to Ben Affleck….I’m digressing.

I have a question.  I have two weird scenarios – which would be more likely to be true?

Scenario A: As previously mentioned we have to sue Droopy Dog. On the same day he got served with our lawsuit he also received a shipment from Hawaii (meant for me) containing 14lbs of scrumptious coffee/chocolate macadamia nuts.  Adam and I entertained ourselves imagining the process server leaping out from behind the UPS guy and sending DD into a psychological spin trying to figure out if he was set up by the delivery guy so that the lawsuit could be served! I would never go to such lengths. I really wanted those nuts!

OR. (Remember there two choices).

Scenario B: Or that we bought a house opposite Crack House Inn?  If you guessed A, you would be correct.  If you guessed B you would also be correct! I’ll write more about scenario B after the house closes. I don’t want to jinx it! That’s still a thing. There may also be DD updates, but at the moment they’re all grim so there’s no humour to be wrung out of that situation.

If you’ll indulge me, there’ll be a lot more to tell over the coming weeks in my new series ‘Dream House vs. Money Pit?’ (both movies that are rated over 5 on IMDB, I believe).  But for now, for anyone who may have pondered on ‘The Rug’ and envisaged it was stashed behind this creaky old door while I peered into dark cobwebby corners with my Wee Willie Winkie lantern, here’s how it really went down:

And now a bit about haggling. Being a Brit, and being afflicted with this, I am genetically unable to haggle.  Therefore I’m to be found paying full price or more for anything and everything.  I still recall with perfect clarity the day I realized I was married to a haggler.

Many years ago we were on a family holiday in Dominican Republic, burying Kyle on the beach (as you do) when along comes a local tat salesman plying his wares.  He sat down beside us and started displaying his treasures.  Truthfully, we didn’t want anything but I didn’t want to be rude.  This is an offshoot of my condition and has also landed me with more unwanted items than I care to mention up to and including yesterday:

[We were in a shop that had a 50% off table and an enormous glass jug at the center.  This is a jug no one wants.  This is a jug no one needs.  It’s just nice.  So we decide we should rescue it.  And at such a bargain too!  We tell the lady we want it and she has to wrestle it over pumpkin platters, and fall coloured leaf-shaped breakables.  Which should have been a clue right there.  It was nail biting to see if she would get clearance but she did, and she staggered with it to the counter.  She tells us the price and Adam says ‘but no, it’s 50% off?’  She replies ‘Oh no, this is the new fall table, the 50% off stuff is on the floor beneath the table!’ We were so embarrassed we didn’t have the heart to watch her try and take it on its return journey without breaking anything so we just bought the bloody thing.  We looked at each other outside and decided we will never go shopping again.] 

Hooper has no idea what this is or why it is, but he’s always willing to stick out his Angelina Jolie leg for a treat!

Anyway, back to Kyle up to his neck in sand. 

We picked five pieces of tat (and it was true tat – a little scorpion in amber resin etc).  I asked how much and the guy replied $200.  I thought ‘that seems reasonable’ and started to search for my wallet just as Adam said ‘I’ll give you $12!’  I went crimson and thought How HOW could you insult that man and his beautiful items?  I looked up from behind my cringe and he wasn’t insulted at all.  He wanted to haggle.  I wanted the sand to turn into quicksand.  This went on for quite a few minutes and they settled on the agreeable sum of $25.  The reason it’s burned so brightly in my brain is that I can still summon up that feeling of mortification at will.  Whenever Adam’s ‘going in for a haggle’ he has me stand clear like he’s going to diffuse a bomb.  And I’m only too happy to oblige!

And just because the word ‘Haggle’ is in the title, who doesn’t want to watch this gem again?

Comments (1):

  1. Elaine

    September 7, 2020 at 10:00 pm

    You’re writing has me in stitches

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